Mis-adventures in feeding

The past few days have been a huge struggle. Emma didn’t gain any weight until five days after we saw the midwife for the first time. We were so happy!

We’ve been having such a tough time feeding Emma, it got to the point where I dreaded her meal time because I knew how challenging it would be. She just fought me, and would only actually eat for about 20 minutes in the hour (or more) that I sat with her each time. No wonder she wasn’t getting fat! Three days ago, she flat out refused to suck. We called the midwife, and she said she would come over again in the evening with formula, if it was alright with me. It was. I really wanted Emma to eat something. It was really stressful and hard for me that Emma wouldn’t eat. I ended up in tears four times in a row when trying to feed her. It’s so stressful and scary when you’re the food supply, and your child who can’t communicate with you except in very loud screams, isn’t interested in the food.

I was asleep when the midwife came, but she talked to Fabian and explained that it seemed like Emma isn’t strong enough to suck properly, and that the breastfeeding is especially exhausting for her. So, we got formula and a breast pump;  I was to pump what I could, and feed her that first, then supplement with the formula.

It worked relatively well, but Emma still wasn’t eating the full 90 ml like a newborn should. She only ate about 50-60 ml in each sitting. But, something must be working--the next time the midwife weighed her, she had gained 40 grams! We were very pleased. :)

Emma always looks super pissed that we’re feeding her. Look at that brow!

Until two days ago, Emma has been a little saint breastfeeding when the midwife was around. Finally, she fought and cried the same way she did with me! It sounds horrible, but I was really happy Emma pitched a fit because the midwife could see that she was not eating properly. The midwife fought with her, got her to eat a little, but Emma was definitely not happy about it. The midwife even said Emma was  a little bit bitchy about eating (her words). Our next set of instructions were to try to get her to breastfeed, and when she wouldn’t try anymore, then give her the bottle.

This was relatively successful, and yesterday Emma would eat a little bit on her own (without fighting!) before we gave her the bottle. She is also finally eating almost the amount she should! She was up to 80 ml yesterday. We were so proud!

Now, we are trying to wean her off the bottles. I  have this nifty contraption that is a “supplemental nursing system” that feeds her formula while she’s breastfeeding. It’s a pain in the ass, and Emma doesn’t like it at all. I can tell it’s going to be another rough couple of days until she gets used to it.

***

The things I do for my daughter…! The midwife gave me instructions to drink a cup of “Bockshornkleesamen” (in English, it’s Fenugreek, but I don’t know what that is either…) everyday to help with milk production. The midwife apologized, because it is really disgusting. When Henriette learned I had to drink this, she had immediate sympathy, because she remembered how completely awful it was. Basically, this stuff smells like mild curry, and tastes completely bitter. It is so awful!

Doesn’t it look like boogers??! It was also a little bit clumpy. Blek.

The first glass I had resembled boiled snot. The tea recipe Fabian found ended up being too thick, so I couldn’t drink it. I was stuck spooning this horrible mix. Fabian had the idea to put honey into it, which made it very marginally better.

I think Fabian gets way too much joy out of making the “tea” for me every day, probably because he doesn’t have to drink it! I made him try one big spoonful, and it was obvious he regretted it as soon as it was in his mouth. Afterwards, we were able to laugh about it. :)

This is exactly what I think of Bockshornkleesamen.

The second glass I had was marginally better. He altered the recipe so it wouldn’t be as ungodly thick, and it was at least drinkable. Drinkable booger tea disappears faster than the spoon-able booger tea anyway…

I really liked the midwife’s suggestion of champagne and Malzbeer for milk production better than booger tea. I can’t complain too much though, because it is working. Hopefully Emma will get her shit together soon enough and figure out how to eat properly so I won’t have to drink it anymore!

Welcome, little one!

I did want to talk about my fantastic visit with my sister Sarah and her husband Ted, but I have to detour—my baby came two weeks early! :D

Emma Elisabeth
Born March 17, 2012 at 23.41
3130 g (6.9 lbs)
49 cm (19.3 in)

***

And, here’s the story!

My water broke at home around 9:00a. I took my time getting ready to go to the hospital, ate a full breakfast, and piled my things together. Fabian packed everything, then took us to the hospital around 11:00a. At the hospital, the midwife listened to the baby’s heart beat, and checked for contractions, then I checked into the hospital. We had two hours to wait until we went for the next check, and we walked around outside in the hospital garden.

Last day of being pregnant! (37 weeks, 5 days)

After a while, we went back to the midwife, she took another heart beat/contraction-o-gram, gave me a homeopathic remedy to help induce labor, and showed Fabian how to give me a belly massage, also to help naturally induce labor. After that, I saw a doctor and had an ultrasound. Later, I would have had the doctor do acupuncture, but she was in a C-section all day so that wasn’t an option.

The day was relatively long and boring. I wasn’t having strong contractions, just mild cramps that felt like menstrual cramps once or twice an hour. Since nothing was happening, Fabian went back home to grab a few more things, and to bring me a sandwich, because it was getting close to dinner time and I was huuungry!

The day wasn’t exciting until around 9:00p. I was on the third midwife of the day (ended two shifts!). She came in to do the belly check and I still wasn’t having real contractions. When she came back around 10:00p to give me an antibiotic to protect against infection, I told her I thought I was having contractions about 10-minutes apart. She said we would do another belly check after the IV finished. By the time the IV finished, the contractions were much closer together, and intensely painful. I said I wanted pain medicine, but not an epidural. She started a drip of something that sort of took the edge off the pain. The next time she came back, I said I felt like I needed to push.

Naturally, she was a bit surprised because it was only an hour and a half since I’d started having contractions. She checked, and sure enough, I was ready to go! I had to switch to a different room, but I was sure as hell not walking anywhere. So, they wheeled my bed into the other room, and in between contractions I flopped onto the correct bed, and a few minutes later, started pushing!

Within 20-minutes, I had a daughter! :) The midwife held her up and said, “Can you see?! It’s a girl!” The first thing Fabian said was that she has my nose, and we were both excited she wasn’t a bald baby. She put Emma on my chest, and I got to hold my baby for the first time. Fabian gave a big kiss, and said how proud he was, and that I did an amazing job, and I started crying. The midwife told me it was one of the fastest births she’d seen at the hospital in two years! Whew!

We had a while to wait while the midwife and doctor finished up with everything else, and I got to stare at the back of Emma’s head. I couldn’t even see her face until the midwife took her from me to clean her up and measure her.

Finally, we were ready to go to the family room, where we would spend the next three days. I changed my shirt, and the midwife gave me Emma to start feeding her. I couldn’t sleep until almost 4:00a because I was on such an adrenaline high, and naturally, as soon as I was able to sleep, Emma woke up. It was a rough first night, mostly because we really had absolutely no idea what we were doing, and because the hospital beds were so incredibly uncomfortable.

New Mama!

The next few days were a little bit of a blur. Emma met her new family, we saw more doctors, we learned how to change diapers, Emma pooped (it really was exciting!), we had nights with no sleep, we discovered ways to calm Emma down… It was a busy few days. Emma had her first check-up, and passed with flying colors.

The things that stick out in my mind about the time in the hospital are the feelings. I remember feeling resentful of Fabian because he could sleep easier than I could; overwhelming despair because I thought if I fell asleep I wouldn’t wake up when Emma needed something; and, panic that I was doing something wrong.



Sarah and Ted were in Zürich when I had Emma, and they came to visit us on Monday night. The second Sarah came in the room, we both started bawling, and gave each other huge, huge hugs. It was my first real emotional breakdown after having Emma, and I was just overwhelmed with happiness that Sarah was there—I really can’t say how incredibly important it was for me.

Sisters

Auntie Sarah & Uncle Ted

The first few days with Emma at home were much more relaxed because we felt like we had a bit more freedom. Yes, we still had to be careful, but it feels different when you’re in the comfort of your own home versus in the hospital. I felt much more comfortable laying Emma on my chest, and snoozing with her on the couch. At the hospital, I felt like I had to put her back in the crib thing even though I would have preferred to have her with us. It also felt easier to bond with her at home.

***

We were supposed to have a midwife come visit us on Thursday, but she cancelled at the last minute because she was sick. We called three other midwives to see if someone could come to us to check on Emma. We ended up with the same midwife who helped Fabian’s mom with his youngest two siblings. She is super nice, and was very critical of the midwife who cancelled on us. I got the impression she has no use for this other woman whatsoever.



We discovered that Emma lost 700g (1.5 lbs.) in the first five days. When you only weigh 7 lbs to begin with, that’s a scary amount of weight! :( The problem was that my milk was blocked, so Emma wasn’t getting any food. The midwife helped break the blockage, and told us I needed to feed Emma every 2 hours.

The day was full of not-so-fun feedings. Emma would push away, cry, and flail her arms half the time, and eat like an angel the other half. I really felt like I couldn’t win, and I was amazed with how much of a battle it was between us. All I wanted was for my baby to eat and get fat, all she wanted was to cry and protest. Fortunately, I must have done something right, because the next day, she’d gained 200g (.5 lb.), and everyone was relieved.

That is all for now, more later!

Spring is here! And I got a sunburn.

Today was an absolutely gorgeous day. I spent the morning in our room with the windows open while I did some editing and hand sewing. At lunch, Schwiegermutter said she put a lawn chair in the garden for me, and that I should go spend some time outside.

It was absolutely AMAZING!! :) I got a little bit pink. IN MARCH. Crazy world!
First, I watched the neighbor’s chickens.



Then, I read my book for two hours.



The chickens came to me, man they were bold!



After a while, Anton came outside and kept me company.



Fabian came home from the last day of his internship sometime around 3:30p, and we sat outside together for an hour. He even bought orange popsicles for us on his way home. :)

Around 4:30p or so, we went for a short walk and harassed the geese. We didn’t actually do anything to them, but they got super loud and indignant when I got closer to take a picture. These particular geese acted pretty dumb. Birds are so funny!



I just hope that the weather stays gorgeous or gets even better for Sarah and Ted’s visit in three days!
And, I even got to wash the stairs. :)

(This better, Vera? ;-))

Convenience food, flea markets, and cleaning, oh my!

It’s been quite an exhausting week. A good week, but exhausting. I got to try German convenience food, went to a flea market, went on a mass cleaning spree, and gained almost 5 pounds.
First, German convenience food:
We were looking for something to make for lunch, and Fabian returned from the basement with a box of  Mirácoli. Mirácoli is essentially spaghetti in a box. This particular package was even whole grain! A box of Mirácoli includes a package of short spaghetti, and packages of tomato paste, seasonings and some cheese that wants to be parmesan.

The sauce was fun to make, just like with American Kraft Mac n’ Cheese! You empty the packet of tomato paste into a pot, then fill the packet up with water to add to the paste. Then, you mix it with the spices, and make it warm. The sauce looked totally disgusting, but at least it was a natural color – not like the beloved florescent fake yellow cheese in a box like I grew up with.

Next, the flea market:
When we were at the birth class, the midwife mentioned that there are lots of flea markets (Flohmärkte, plural) where we can find used baby things. The day I visited with Jackie, she mentioned how much she’d love to find one, so I did! Fabian and I met Jackie and her husband at the flea market in Eppelheim on Saturday afternoon.
The flea market was in the gym of a school (or a place that was school-like), and it felt like walking into the biggest garage sale of the century. The whole place was completely chaotic, over crowded, and full of strollers and small children. We walked through the market once just to see what was what, and then we did a second mini-walk through after seeing places to look at a second time.
Fabian and I didn’t buy anything, but Jackie found four onesies for 8€, which was a total steal! (When I was shopping for newborn sized baby clothes with my Schwiegermutter, the onesies ranged from 4-20€. Yikes!) After she had what she came for, we bought snacks and sat outside for a little while to chat.
The flea market was kind of cool, and I imagine we we will go back sometime. It was just totally overwhelming, especially when we don’t know what we really need.
Writing about the flea market made me remember the trip to Baby1 with Fabian the day before we went to the flea market. We had a vague idea of things we needed, and I had a list, so we went to the baby store to find things.
Genius here forgot the list at home, and we were stuck wandering around while trying to remember what was on the list. I knew we needed to look at bassinets (Fabian’s mom wanted to buy it because she is planning on having 16 grandchildren and wanted to have it for all of her kids to use), bedding, an infant bath tub, and a cushion for the diaper table (Wickeltisch).
Poor Fabian was completely overwhelmed. We looked at bedding and found some sheets in green and yellow. Then we looked at the bassinets  decided one we thought we liked, realized that it came with the bedding (one had the most atrocious orange bedding, I feel bad for the baby who has to sleep there!), so we put the things we picked out back.
Next stop was the baby bath tubs. I don’t know if German babies are usually gigantic, but all of the baby bath tubs we saw were about 1/3 of the size of a normal bath tub. That’s WAY bigger than I recall infant bath tubs from my childhood in the US! So, we didn’t get an infant bath tub. We’re probably going to use the sink, at least the first few times.
The bath tubs were conveniently located next to the diaper changing tables. Well, we couldn’t get a cushion because we didn’t know the right size. We’ve got a make-shift changing table that Fabian’s dad built when Fabian was a baby and it isn’t a “standard size”. We called his dad to ask about the measurements, and he said he had no idea about the size, and we should wait to buy something until we could measure the table. UGH.
When this shopping trip was all said and done, we walked out of there with three things: a bucket with a lid that will do as an improvised diaper pail, some leaky-boob pads for when I’m breastfeeding, and a waterproof mattress cover.
Best shopping trip ever. Ha.
I started getting the cleaning urges this week. My first project was to clean the bathroom! We share a bathroom with Fabian’s brother, and I don’t think the bathroom has had a really good cleaning since May last year, the first time I came to Heidelberg.
Fabian wouldn’t let me clean the shower and tried to prevent me from doing work that required lots of bending. I was on sink duty. When we were done, the bathroom looked beautiful – all the empty bottles were out of the shower and off the sink, and it smelled nice, and sparkled. All we needed to do was wash the floor, but it had to wait for another day.
I ambushed Fabian after dinner the next day to take the vacuum upstairs (because I’m not allowed to carry it) to vacuum the bathroom floor and the stairs leading up to our room. After the dust bunnies were captured Fabian started mopping the floor, but he really hates mopping and let me do it. (Hooray!)
I’ve been eyeballing the stairs to the second floor (European first floor) as my next cleaning project, but work has gotten in the way and I haven’t been able to do it. Yet. ;)
I had my 36 1/2 week appointment at the doctor today. I was completely SHOCKED to learn that I’ve gained almost 5 pounds! In one week! I am pretty sure (and hopeful) that it is just water weight. At least that would make sense considering how swollen my lower legs and hands have gotten. My wedding ring leaves marks on my finger and is hard to take off when I want to put lotion on my hands, my ankles have been replaced by tennis balls, and my toes look like cocktail sausages.
I’ve definitely been feeling more like a crazy pregnant lady these days. My moods are up and down, I’m crying or crabby for no reason, and my body is just DONE with the pregnancy. Come on little baby, we really want to meet you! Pronto!
This weekend is full of fun activities like shopping to stock up the changing table, I get a manicure and pedicure, AND we get a virtual baby shower! I’m really excited to see my family and friends on Sunday afternoon. :)
And next week? My sister and her husband are coming to visit!!! I can’t say how incredibly excited I am about visiting with my sister and getting to share the tail end of my pregnancy with someone in my family. I’m looking forward to the funny awkward belly rubs and letting her feel it when it’s kicking.
It’s dinner time now, so I must sign off. More later!

35 weeks + 4 days, but who’s counting?

The other day my Schwiegermutter said that she thinks my belly looks different, and that the baby has started to move lower. At first I wasn’t convinced that anything was different, but then I started thinking about the fact that my heartburn (which had been almost incessant) had been quite a bit better in the last few days. It wasn’t triggered by absolutely everything, and I could actually start sleeping on my side without being propped up for the first time in a month in a half! :D

In other news, I believe I’ve started doing “the waddle”. I’ve gone out with Fabian a few times in the last two weeks, and I’ve noticed that I really can’t walk as fast, and that it’s much more comfortable to walk with my feet farther apart. I saw my reflection when I walked past a shop window yesterday, and I think I look awfully silly. Man alive, I really feel like an 80-year-old woman.

I went to the doctor again today. It was an extra long appointment because I spent a ton of time waiting. I had to give blood twice (once to check my iron and once for final blood tests), and I got to listen to baby’s heartbeat again—it beats so fast and sounds like a horse galloping. :)



It had been a month since I’d had an ultrasound, and I wanted to know how big Baby is. I learned that development is on track for 35-36 weeks, and that the baby weighs 5.5 pounds (2500 g)! I’m not going to lie, I’m pretty happy it’s a relatively tiny baby, and that it probably won’t end up weighing more than 7.5 pounds at birth. Henriette watched the ultrasound with me, and she was so excited! She’s decided that the baby has my hair and my nose. (No actual evidence, but she’s convinced!)

Now, I need to work up some motivation to get the rest of my work done for the day…